Love covers all our flaws

Have you spent the last couple of years making concessions so you would fit in? A lot of us have. And while these circumstances were a trigger of fit-in behavior, we should take this opportunity to better understand why we gave in.

For what reasons, and for how long are we willing to dissolve ourselves and lose our own identities in order to be a ‘part’ of a world that does not love us? A world that will drop us if we fail?

The answer is: not too long until we become deeply frustrated, angry and bitter. And what will really haunt us is not our difficulty to forgive others, but to forgive ourselves as we live with the consequences of our own decisions knowing that we could have made better ones had we not given in to the fear of not fitting in.

We should all know by now that whenever we try to live by strict rules, we are bound to fail at some point. We are human, and thus we are inherently flawed. We are living the life that others expect us to live when we make an effort everyday to be the perfect people that we are not.

When we accept that we are not in control, and that we never were or ever will be, that frees us from living under unfair expectations and introduces us to the real life we never had before.

This real life is the one we are all called to live. And it is only when we surrender to Love that we start living it.

Because Love covers all our flaws.

And when we put Love first in life, and allow it to guide us, we do not experience regrets. With Love, life no longer feels like a countdown, because we know Love transcends space and time.

Love allows us to transcend the world and start living without fear, especially the fear of death that drives many of us to make hasty decisions thinking we are running out of time.

But so what if we are running out of time? Love makes a day feel like a year, and a year feel like a day. It gives us a conscience that is no longer bound by feelings of who we are not, or not being good enough, and takes us on a journey of who we were always meant to be.

With Love, we live what we can, how we can, when we can.

I had no trouble being myself in the last couple of years and lived a relatively normal life. And the secret is simple: I know how to be subtle about my different outlook in life. Instead of using these differences to confront others, I focus on similarities that can unite us.

Remember: we need to be patient with those who think differently.

We are not called to turn our differences into instruments of divisiveness. When we keep Love in the foreground of how we treat each other, these differences become secondary and often don’t even come up.

At the same time, we are also not called to be perfect, but to be loving. And to love each other regardless of our different choices in life, and our shortcomings.

When we live this way, we do not feel the need to fit in. Putting Love first in our lives gives us this confidence and allows us to enjoy the peace, joy and hope that come when we confidently know why we don’t fit in this world.

Loving people we dislike

Many of us don’t know the difference between loving and liking one another. Keeping people close that we don’t genuinely like doesn’t work and can wreak havoc in our lives.

We can love everyone spiritually. But liking anyone depends on compatibility and is for select people who, through their actions, have earned our appreciation and company.

When someone treats people (including ourselves) in hurtful ways, we are perfectly able to love them – if we genuinely have a relationship with God. But we will not be able to like them. They don’t deserve us, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

After all, not all company edifies us. We seek good company that we like: peaceful, joyful, loving, forgiving, thoughtful. And, yes, interesting and fun.

Company that makes us feel uncomfortable, judged, hurt, offended, manipulated, insulted or even just bored and disinterested is therefore not likeable. It is a blessing to love these people, but we don’t have to seek their company or force ourselves to like them.

We need to learn to gracefully handle people whose presence doesn’t edify us. They don’t need to be active participants in our lives.

Our calling is to love them. Pray for them. Help them. And wish for their hearts to be transformed so they can enjoy a love that will enable them to treat us as we expect to be treated.

We can bring them back into our lives as friends, family or partners if they demonstrate a change of attitude with actions (not words) for a significant amount of time, so we see consistency.

Remember: We are called to love one another, not to like everyone.

Anything beyond that is self-righteous and will destroy us.

The joy of forgiveness

How we talk about people who hurt us says a lot about whether or not we have a relationship with the One who made us.

I met a Christian man recently who has been divorced for four years and talks in a resentful and bitter way about his ex-wife. According with him, she had no right before God to divorce him.

It was hard to listen to him. His voice, no matter what I talked about, was full of judgment and condemnation.

What he is missing in his life is not his ex-wife, but the joy of forgiveness. This is a gift that we receive from God when we allow him to make his home in us.

He attends church every Sunday and tried to discredit my faith when I said I wasn’t religious.

Yet no regular attendance to a place or membership to a group will give any of us the divine ability to forgive everyone. It comes from God when we are humble and willing to receive it.

It is only when we forgive everyone, and genuinely love and wish them well, that we experience divine joy.

Once we have tasted it, we always come back for more.

When this joy overflows in our spirit, our voices become an encouragement for others who can’t forgive and, as a result, can’t find peace in their lives.

If you are struggling with bitterness and resentment, pray for the willingness to be filled with love and forgiveness.

And you will joyfully taste peace that exceeds all understanding.